Hurt
by earanemith
Summary: Ziva is only now letting the los of Ari come in her life


It was like it was happening right now,

'_I've done it. He's…' a sigh a sob 'dead' Ziva said._

'_I'm proud of you, my __bat__' Eli david had said._

In her sleep Ziva was almost crying. It had been right after Ari had died. She had killed him, she only had to pull the trigger and he was gone. She never could call him and tell him how she felt. Never see him and tell him she loved him. He was everything for her, after her mother had died, she was broken. And often beaten by Eli because she showed her weakness. He had picked her up, and lead her to a safe place.

If she had knew what she knew now, she wouldn't have taken the mission. Her father used her, he wanted to test her, if she was worthy to be a mossad officer. She had to kill her brother because her father had told her to.

She wanted to call Ari very often, but she knew he wouldn't pick up the phone because of her.

***

At her desk the memories didn't stay away.

'_Come on Ziva I know you can do i__t' Ari had yelled at her, she was pracising to trow a knife. She had missed before and that she had felt. She tried it again for Ari, only for him. And she hit the target._

'_I'm proud of you, little sister__' Ari had said to her when he gave her his big brother smile._

'David' Gibbs shook her up from her day dream. Only a glare was enough to know they were going.

At the crimescene there stood a girl and a boy holding hands both crying. Ziva walked to them, orders of Gibbs.

'Could you tell me what happend' she asked gently.

'they murdered them. Our mother, and father' the boy said without a flinch.

'It is your fault if you hadn't ' his sister yelled at him.

Luckily Gibbs was standing beside Ziva because her toughs were somewhere els.

'_Ari it is your fault. If you hadn't been there I shouldn't have to work so hard every thing that father don't finds in you I have to do double. And he hurts me, when you have talked even more… I just can't__ ' than she had run away, away from her brother who did nothing but protected he. She had been nineteen. The last time she saw him before she had killed him._

'Ziva, where the hell was you' Gibbs shouted at her, she barely even noticed it.

The day went by, she just wanted to hide. Hide from herself because she missed Ari.

'Ziva is there something' Tony asked knowing he wouldn't get an answer.

'No' that was a lie, she was broken inside but she couldn't let it show, it would hurt her even more.

Days like this went by. Ziva was breaking down slowly but surely. Tony kept asking after a week Ziva didn't even notice. Everyone was worried. Ziva was just Ziva they thought at first, later they knew something was wrong but she didn't react. It became so bad that after a week, they all could she that Ziva had been crying a lot. Her eyes were red and slightly swollen. After another two weeks it became so bad that Gibbs had send her home. What she didn't know was that he had send Tony to follow her.

She couldn't drive home, it seemed like her arms were sending her car a different direction. To the graveyard, it was where Ari layed. Her father hadn't want him back, so Ziva let him barry close to her. She walked to his grave. Tony was wondering what she was going to do, she didn't even seem to notice him five meter behind her.

There she stood at his grave.

'are you still, looking after me from up there, proud of me after what I've done. I'm sorry for blaming you for everything' a single tear left her eye.

Tony stood there behind her she couldn't see from who the grave was.

'I forgive you' she said soft but loud enough for Tony to hear.

"_Ziva just forgive me oké, I'm your brother" __he had yelled at her when she walked away._

Tony knew it for sure, she would only say something on that tone to her brother, to Ari.

She couldn't hold it in any longer, tears were falling down her cheek, and she felt down on her knees. From an instinct Tony rust over to her and put his arms around her, for once she didn't hit him she let him. While he did that she cried

'if I had just one more day, I would hold you in my arms, please help me understand.' She was crying on Tony's chest. 'if I just had another chance, I would look in you eyes and see you there for me'

Tony didn't know what to do he had hated Ari for what he had done to Kate, he never thought of Ziva, it still was her brother, she knew him diffrent. And it was like Ziva blamed herself that he was dead.

'please come back I miss you' she tried to swallow her tears back 'I've hurt myself, and you the most, by killing you, please come back'

Tony couldn't believe his ears, she had killed her own brother, probably her father had told her to.

The pare sat there. Ziva kept crying, Tony was just comforting her.

'I'm so sorry, just comeback.'


End file.
